badbanana
- Best Tweets
Tim Siedell (aka badbanana) is just a regular guy from Nebraska, but he is funny. This page contains a few of his best tweets from 2011. He is very prolific - we recommend you follow him.
I assume a pretend apple a day keeps the honorary doctorate types away.
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You can learn a lot about a person just by watching them through binoculars 24 hours a day.
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I wear glasses because I like to dramatically remove them to display anger. It was awkward doing that with contact lenses.
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Weird. Lots of ghosts from the 1890s. Very few disco ghosts.
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If I could have one magical power, the last thing I'd want is to be able to saw a woman in half. Not sure what that gets me, really.
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I don't say it enough. Thanks for not murdering me, everyone.
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As a parent, I appreciate how Sesame Street glosses over the Count killing and feeding upon other muppets to survive.
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A woman gave birth shortly after finishing the Chicago Marathon on Sunday. And that's why I don't jog.
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Let me be the first to wish you and yours a happy and healthy 2027.
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If I were a thief, I'd just sit in a coffee shop until someone asked me to watch their laptop while they go to the bathroom.
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Hey, hip hop artists. Would it kill you to throw in a few rhymes about raisin toast or farmers' markets?
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Always thought I was a night person. Turns out I'm just a take advantage of quiet house to eat all the ice cream person.
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Want people to pay more attention to you? Carry a giant axe.
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Leadership is about making bold decisions even when you have no idea what anyone in the meeting is talking about.
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Here's my pitch. Alien vs. Predator vs. Tom Hanks' Train Conductor Character from Polar Express.
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My signature dance move is the John McClane. I go and hide in the air ducts.
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Pandas seem kind of tired of fighting this whole extinction thing. We should probably hurry and take more photos.
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Guys, read the fine print before selling your soul to the devil. There's no way to opt out of his email newsletters.
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Can't decide if I should spend the day chillaxing or chillibrating. Seems like there should be more options.
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A masochistic sheep is a mutton for punishment.
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I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I'm not a shopaholic.
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Watching the Twilight Zone marathon. And, like any serious participant in a marathon, I just soiled myself.
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Some residents near Fukushima now have radioactive urine. So whatever you do, don't drink it.
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Hey, Europe. If you find a black suitcase, it's mine.
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Sometimes I just need a break from the computer. Thank goodness I have an iPad.
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Under my simplified tax plan, forms will have only one question: "Look out your window. Do you see any swans or peacocks?"
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I'm old enough to remember car accidents before texting.
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If I had to break out my day in a pie chart, I'd take all day to do it. Easier that way.
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You had me until the final shot, local commercial. An employee in the back row didn't wave hard enough. No sale.
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Scored a 66 on my real estate license exam because I answered "location, location."
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I'd love to be invisible because then I could sit on my couch and the neighbors would think I accidentally left the TV on.
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I'd like to teach the world to shut up.
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Dude tried to go medieval on my ass, so I went renaissance on his and confused him with my drawings of a flying machine.
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