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Funny Quotes

This funny quotes web page has, for your free non commercial use a collection of hilarious quotations. We hope you enjoy them.  



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I believe we can build a better world!
Of course, it'll take a whole lot of rock, water & dirt. Also, not sure where to put it.

~
Marc MacKenzie

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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

~ Phyllis Diller

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I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

~ Rodney Dangerfield

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I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

~ Woody Allen

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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

~ Steve Martin

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Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.

~ Rod Stewart

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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

~ Steven Wright

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An original idea? That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them.

~ Stephen Fry

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If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.

~ Eddie Izzard

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