Funny Voicemail Messages

Funny Voicemail Messages

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I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person.

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If you are a burglar, checking to see if anyone is home, then we probably are at home, we just can’t come to the phone because we are training our attack dogs
or cleaning our weapons.
If you are not a burglar, please leave us a message.

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Hi, this is Talk Radio. You're on the air.

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Hi this is Dave. Either my phone isn't switched on,
or I'm in a tunnel. Please leave a message.

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This call may be recorded or monitored for quality and training purposes. If you don't wish this call to be monitored or recorded, then please let the answering machine know when you leave your message.

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You are feeling sleepy. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very tired now. You are gradually becoming more susceptible to suggestion. When you hear the tone you will feel compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.

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Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's probably you.

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Roses are red
Grass is green
Please leave a message
On this machine

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Funny Voicemail Messages

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Please leave your name, date of birth, bank account number, and your mother’s maiden name after the beep.

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Hello.
(Pause)
Sorry I can’t hear you. Can you speak up?
(Pause)
Only kidding. It’s an answer machine. I am probably in and laughing at you shouting at the machine. Or I might be out. Leave a message just in case.

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Hello, this is Dave’s answering machine. I do not need insurance, I am happy with my utilities providers, I give to charity at the office and I don't need my taken. If you're still with me, leave a message.

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I really hate long answering machine messages. Some of them go on and on and on, wasting your time. You’ve probably guessed by now that this is one such message - it is much longer than it needs to be, but I hope that the irony and the self-awareness inherent in it, will provide some amusement that compensates for the unnecessary amount of time it takes to reach its conclusion…which is now, by the way. So leave a message after the beep.

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Dave can't come to the phone right now. He's either out having a great time somewhere being the life and soul of some party, or perhaps he’s having a nap.
Leave a message.

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Funny Voicemail Messages

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How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave your name and number and I'll get back to you with the answer.

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You have the right to remain silent.
Everything you say after the beep will be recorded
and may be used against you.

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Hi you've reached Bob's voicemail!
Please leave me a message and I'll get back to you,
but be careful of what you say
because the feds record my calls

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Hello... (pause) …I hate those funny voicemail messages where they say "Hello!", and there's a long pause, so you think you're talking to an actual person. Then you begin speaking, and after you say about two words you hear, "We can't come to the phone right now.” I really hate that!

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Hi, you have reached the RIGHT man but at the WRONG time, leave your message after the beep.

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After the beep, please sing your message to the tune of Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face”

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Hi, this is Dave. Please leave your name and number so I know who I'm ignoring.

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I think you might have dialled the wrong number.
Please check and try again.

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This is not a voicemail; this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you and I'll reply to you telepathically.

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Funny Voicemail Messages

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Talk to the machine cause the face ain't listenin’

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My time is billed at $175 per hour. Please begin your message with your MasterCard or Visa number, card type, and date of expiration.
I'll get back to you pending credit approval.

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This is you-know-who.
Leave your you-know-what you-know-when.

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This is Dave's answering machine. Please leave your name and number, and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the FBI.

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I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?

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You've called our number, but we don't care. If we did, we'd be here. So leave a message at the tone, and we'll call you back when you’re not home.