Homer Simpson Sayings

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A nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

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Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'

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Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.

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Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

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Operator! Give me the number for 911!

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Oh, so they have internet on computers now!

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Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

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Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

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Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

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Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

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If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing

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I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!

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Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

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I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

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What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

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When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.

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If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

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It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

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Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

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I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

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Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

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Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.

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Homer no function beer well without.

Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?

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If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

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Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.

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I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around.

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These are our favorite Homer Simpson sayings from the TV show "The Simpsons".  We hope you enjoyed them.