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Russell
Brand
Best Tweets
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Russell Brand is a top British comedian,
actor, and writer. He is also a very funny
and
prolific writer on the
social networking site "Twitter". If you want to you can go
to that site and see all his "tweets", but to save time we have
collected here, for your amusement, some of our favorite Russell Brand tweets.
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<<>>
Murderers! Stop murdering. Everyone will die eventually. Just sit down
and be patient.
<<>>
Ladies! Stop exaggerating. If Brazilian waxes are so painful then why
is Pele always so cheerful? I'm going to get one.
<<>>
If life gives you lemons, politely thank life, then, when life's not
looking, throw the lemons into a duck pond.
<<>>
I may have raised Hell but I also dragged down Heaven.
<<>>
In st Bart's church. This holy water has got no holes in it. I demand a
refund.
<<>>
Dear
Mum,this lesbian prison I'm in is ok.Lady Gaga turned up yesterday-and
she brought fags,well she was wearing them.Send condoms.
<<>>
Chat
roulette?Russian roulette is less risky.The world is full of maniacs
menacing their privates and there's a bullet in every chamber.
<<>>
Grammies? Is that how much coke you need to stay awake through em?
LooOOOOOOoooong! X
<<>>
Just
spilled some chocolate raisins in my cat litter tray. I'm still eating
them- they're delicious. One tasted of tuna and cat-angst.
<<>>
I
wrote The Sun's Bizarre column today with a pen. I described Rio
Ferdinand's jumper as SNUG not SMUG. Damn my handwriting. Is he on here?
<<>>
Modern
Warfare 2 sounds like it might be trivialising the horror of war on
remembrance day. What's next? Paedophile boxing 3? For Christmas?
<<>>
Nude
on my balcony. I imagine they'll send spitfires to shoot me down like
King Kong- due to my gorilla privates; not because I'm hairy.
<<>>
I notice The Simpsons pierced my nipples, this was never discussed- is
this a human rights issue? (I'm a human)
<<>>
Thanks
for my award, you beautiful British bastards. Comedy is our best
defence against pain. In conjunction with medical expertise.
<<>>
I'm editing the words "Huckleberry Finn" out of all my NWA albums.
<<>>
I did some of that "wife-swapping" last night. I now have a new I-Pad.
<<>>
Aids day is over but still wear condoms if you're a man,
femi-demi-ding-doms if you're a woman and both if you are bisexual.
<<>>
RIP. Leslie Nielsen. Shirley, he will be missed.
<<>>
I am on Heart 106.2 this morning. Which is a radio station, not my
pulse rate.
<<>>
I just put a neighbours cat in a wheely-bin. Derren Brown, have you
dabbled with me noggin?
<<>>
If baby oil is for babies why's it always popping up in pornos on
women's boobs?
<<>>
Back
to Funniest Twitter Accounts from Russell Brand Best Tweets
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