Stephen Colbert
Best Tweets
Stephen Colbert is an American comedian and political satirist. He is the host of The Colbert Report on Comedy Central. One of his tweets "In honor of oil-soaked birds, 'tweets' are now 'gurgles.'" was the most retweeted text of the year in 2010.
Enjoy these Stephen Colbert jokes
M-C Hammer is launching his own search engine! I hope it's more successful than Yahoo-Tang Clan.
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I can't believe my show's been on for 6 years. I found out by counting the rings on my desk chair.
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Just put on my Halloween costume! This year I'm going as "Guy Who Thinks Halloween Is On October 18th."
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Dick Cheney said he hasn't cried in ten years. Although once a week, he does lubricate his cyber-ocular sensor array.
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You know what I love? Buttons. What, does everything I write have to be so damn clever?
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Prehistoric feathers were found trapped in amber. Hopefully someday scientists will open a theme park of cloned duvets.
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If we really want to broaden our tax base, why don't we tax people from other countries?
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The Dow rebounded today! I say we end America right now on a good note.
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I mean what I say and I say what I mean. Luckily, I don't have to fill out my taxes orally .
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Palindromes are the bisexuals of the word world. Stop corrupting our kids, "kayak"!
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Fair warning, anyone who hacks my voicemail should have a ravenous appetite for 15th-century spoken-word conquistador erotica.
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There's more than one way to skin a cat, but people usually freak out and call the cops before you're done with the first.
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The world's most-pierced woman has wed in Scotland. I'm told she had forty-five ringbearers.
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To any politicians watching my show while having chat-sex, let me just say YOUR GRANDMA NAKED! YOUR GRANDMA NAKED! That'll teach you.
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A study says the elderly are getting too many colonoscopies. That's according to the doctors who have to perform them.
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I'm willing to add insult to injury. Hey tennis elbow, you're a big dumb fat jerk.
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Monkey see, monkey do. Last year I let a capuchin watch me do my taxes, so this year I should be all set.
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The USA Today says that half of men don't go to the doctor. I bet it's the bottom half--that prostate exam is awful.
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I'm starting, to suspect that I, don't know, how to use commas.
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