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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying.
~ Woody Allen
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When you are about 35 years old
something terrible always happens to music
~ Steve Race
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It is a cliché that most clichés are true,
but then like most clichés,
that cliché is untrue.
~ Stephen Fry
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I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs... like custom officers.
~ Jack Dee
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I can resist everything except temptation.
~ Oscar Wilde
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How long is it polite to continue to be interested in what someone says after they reveal they've got a boyfriend?
~ Russell Brand
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People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money you can have a key made.
~ Joan Rivers
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Beauty
is in the eye of the beholder, which is a pity because this week the
National Association of Beholders wrote to tell me I've got a face like
a rucksack full of dented bells.
~ Charlie Brooker
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My
iPod holds 3,000 albums. I own, like, 90 albums. My iPod sits at home,
sullen and frustrated and underused, like a wife who gave up her career
and the kids turned out to be shite.
~ Dara O'Briain
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I have had a perfectly wonderful evening.
But this wasn't it.
~ Groucho Marx
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A
lot of people say there's a fine line between genius and insanity. I
don't think there's a fine line, I actually think there's a yawning
gulf. You see some poor bugger scuffling up the road with balloons tied
to his ears, he's not going home to invent a rocket, is he?
~ Bill Bailey
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